Our baby is going to Kindergarten.

I have heard "pull it together" several times in the last few weeks because I find myself weeping every time I observe Kellan doing anything that seems adult like. For instance, we were at the County Fair last night and he stood in line to ride on a potato sack down a rather large slide, all by himself. He paid the gentleman his three tickets, gathered his sack under his arm and began his assent to the top. I couldn't help myself, I started crying watching this 33 pound 42 inch child climb a simple set of stairs. He proceeded to lay is sack out on the slide, hop on top of it and fly down to the bottom with very little reaction. I know this isn't some huge accomplishment, but it was a moment for me, a moment of bittersweet realization that my "baby" isn't such a baby anymore. Then I started to wonder, how many times in my life am I going to have this same realization? How many times will I look at our children and think to myself, "they aren't little anymore." It's a blessing to watch our children grow, learn and mature, but it also tears at my heart in a way that I can't put into words. It makes me want to hold them more, read to them, sit with them, play with them, laugh and learn with them, listen to them and talk with them more than I do. I want to capture the moment when the dimples on their chubby little hands become knuckles. Weird, I know.

Kellan is going to Kindergarten. His first day is just one short week away. I am preparing the only way I know how; praying, eating and cleaning. I tend to cope with change and crisis by engaging in these three activities; soothes my soul. These last few months have been filled with prayer as Brian and I sought wisdom and discernment as to where we should place Kellan this year. We poured over our decision and feel like God has given us the answer for this year. So, we embark on this journey with faith filled hearts.

I will try to "pull it together" for the sake of my sanity and for the goal of not embarrassing my husband in public, but on the inside, my heart aches...my baby is going to school...

....with a back pack...

...and a pencil box...

...oh dear.