Burdened Heart

I haven't written in a while; so here is my post-court trip post. (Say that three times fast, post-court trip post, post-court trip post, post-court trip post....ha)

Our trip to Ethiopia was amazing in so many ways. The joy and excitement we felt when we first saw our sons, first held them in our arms, first smiled back at their smiles, first looked into their eyes and told them we love them....every first was an emotion filled, overwhelming moment that we will never forget. 

Let me start with my husband. You see, many of you know Brian from a distance or maybe you know him like you've known him your whole life, or maybe your like me, and you think you really KNOW him. But, there are several times in our marriage where I stand in awe of who he is and our trip to Ethiopia was one of those times where I stood corrected, and realized, there is still so much more to know about this man. His heart is pure and his love for our sons was something I could see so clearly and something I expected to see. His love for the 49 other orphans we were surrounded by on a daily basis, was beautiful and an unexpected blessing. He sacrificed himself every minute we were around children. Children that are begging for a family, children wishing they would be looked at, children longing to be held, children wanting badly to have a playmate. Brian was all of these wishes, and hopes and things for the least of these. He played basketball (praising God he never got hurt...again, it is Brian we are talking about, Brian that opens car doors on his face and runs into coffee tables that haven't moved in years), soccer, keep away, football, duck duck goose, checkers...the list goes on. He was drained emotionally and physically at the end of every day because he gave all of himself. I fell in love with him even more and found myself thanking God more often for the amazing gift of marriage to an amazingly, selfless man. I'm thankful that his love and desire to care for the orphaned is what led us to our sons and I'm so honored to walk this road with him. 

Next, let me try to describe our boys to you. 

Eyob is a silent leader. He's the kind of person you want to follow without ever hearing him say anything. He is compassionate to say the least. His heart is for his friends and for those that care for him. He loves the little children, sings songs to them, lifts them up, cares for them and plays with them. He is quick on his feet. Always ready to join when asked. He never wants to be a burden and hides his pain. He is loved by so many and by being adopted, his orphanage is losing something so very special and they all know it. Every nanny that I met, told me how blessed we are to have him and that Eyob is simply amazing. 

Yohannes is for justice. He makes sure everyone lines up to receive their fair share whenever we would give out gifts. He tells it like it is and he is a protector. He is competitive to the core and good at every sport we saw him play because he has a determination like I have never seen before. His smile is breathtaking. His affection for his friends is radiant and he loves deeply. 

I was only able to get to know our boys from a distance for most of our time together because we were at their orphanage with 49 other children that also wanted our attention. But on two of the days that we were there, we were able to have some quality time with just our boys and those moments were precious. We held hands, prayed together, played together, laughed, learned and studied each other. Those moments are forever engraved in my mind and I long to have more of them.

Finally, I'll wrap with what I have taken from our journey in Addis. I thought I was prepared for what we would see when our feet hit the ground. I've seen pictures, I've read books, I've talked to friends. Nothing could have prepared me for what my heart would feel. I've said it before, God has given me a heart for Africa. I don't say that lightly. It happened when I was in grade school, I saw a video and it resonated deep within me, a seed that would continue to grow over my life. I felt my heart break in Addis. Don't get me wrong, there is so much more than heart ache in Ethiopia. The beauty of the people, the love that they share, the lives that they live are beautiful in so many ways and I only hope to learn more about this amazing country as my life continues. But the heart ache came from seeing the countless needs. Needs for the basics. Needs for love. Needs for communication. Needs for organization. Needs for Jesus. The burdens just kept coming and my heart grew heavy. I felt responsible, like I had to do something more. So now, we pray. We are praying daily for God to lead us and to use us where He sees best for His kingdom. We want to BE the church.

Bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.  Galatians 6:2

Adoption is beautiful. Orphans have a need. They need love. They need to be told they are worth something, they are wanted. They need Jesus, they need hope. 

Adoption is messy. We live in a fallen world. There is coruption, there is a lack of communication, there is sin.

Adoption needs understanding. There are so many unknowns. So many hurdles and so much confusion here. We have to ask the hard questions. We have to dig for answers. We have to be a part of the solution. There are an estimated 4.6 million orphans in Ethiopia. That's the size of their capital, Addis Ababa's population total. We don't have to wait for orphans to be born, we only have to look to the 4.6 million that need a home now. They are waiting, while we are waiting and this is the part that makes no sense to me. Why the waiting lists? Why the long amounts of time to create families? 4.6 million without a home. 4.6 million waiting for a family. The questions are hard. The task seems daunting. The problem is huge. But, God is bigger. He uses His people to fulfill His plan for mercy. Be a part of that plan. Do something. Help someone. Get up, get out, look around.

Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows.  Isaiah 1:17

So, where do we stand? We are waiting to have our case submitted to the Embassy in Addis for review and eventual "clearance." Once we have cleared Embassy, I will travel with my best friend Mandy, to Addis to pick up our boys.

We would love your prayers for our sons during this time of transition. They have already experienced so much loss in their life and now they are saying goodbye to friends, nannies and teachers they have had for over four years. They are so brave and have so much courage and hope for the future, but I'm asking you to cover their hearts in prayer.

Please pray for our family to be all together in the coming weeks. I am boldly asking God to have our case submitted to the Embassy this Wednesday and to have them cleared by the following Tuesday.

Please pray for safe travels for all of us that will be travelling (Mandy and Jeanne-MIL to Portland, Mandy and Deena to Addis and Boys to USA).

Thank you again, so very much for your support of our family. For your love and for your prayers. We are so blessed to call you friends and family! Thank you for letting me share my heart :)